My crazy! christmas break!!

well... i have pretty much had a crapy christmas break cuz we all got sick this christmas and it pretty much sucks!! well... my brother austin got this crapy cold vurise stuff and then it was like last week on monday i had a couple friends over and we noticed that my brother austin had like a ton of bumps on his back so we showed my dad and he just gave him some medicne. and k he had a fever on sunday and has had it forever and so... he had aonther fever on monday. and then so my mom took him to the doctors on tuesday and all the doctor said was that he just has the vurise and sence my brother has dry skin the vurise just makes his dry skin come out more and so he said that this will onely last for like 2 more days! then my mom just said ok. then 2 days past.... still has high fevers! then my mom got it then alex and my dad then i finally get this crap!!! and then we start to notice on austins face that he is getting bumps and of course my mom just thought it was zits so she didnt do nothing about it.. then on christmas day when austin woke up his bumps on his face where so bad they where infected and every thing it was so gross!! lookin!!! and he just looked horrible! i felt so bad!!! and he just layed around pretty much looked dead to me! and my mom never took him to the doctors cuz idk y cuz idk what she was thinking but then he got way worse saturday and he really looked like he died cuz all he did was slept the whole day and did pretty much nothin but lay around and then it got on his lips and it looks like he had fungi's every where on his lips it was so gross!!!! then alex had it on his chin and my mom was like crap not good.!!! so she knew it was contagash! so ya... but then on friday alex's thumb got infected and omg it was nasty and so my mom called in work and thought she was going to take alex the emerngcy room cuz it looked so bad and she thought he had blood poisning so.. then the next morning witch came to be saturday his thumb was still lookin bad and so was austin's face and omg!! them 2 i swear they get sick all the time and i mean ALL the time!! so then sunday came they still looked bad and austins face got worse and it started to go inside his mouth and k that kid hasnt ate for a whole intire week... so my mom took alex and austin to the doctors on monday to see what the heak was going on with them cuz they where not getting better at all and when she came back she said it was staff and austin has it the worse and could end up killing him so we had to make sure he drank 24oz a day or he will end up in the hospital with iv's in him and a feeding tube down his throat... and i guess the doctor couldn't belive how bad he had it in his mouth it was so bad all over his toung down under his teeth and down his throat wow!!!! it was bad!! but now he is on alot of medicne and it is very contagash so we have like ten licel bottles around spraying every thing they touch and we have golves that we wear and wow we r pretected and can tell that we dont want it!!!! ha ha but now im scared that im going to get it but i hope i dont or i will die cuz i really dont want to be sick forever i already have the cold but i think its going away now.. ha ha and we have to wash r hands 24/7 it sucks!!!! but i hope they get better soon.. but this break sucks! cuz we all got sick!! gosh dang it!!!!! well that is my crazy christmas break!!! it was kinda nice though to have austin layin down and sleepin cuz the house was actully quiet and not loud all the time. lol but o well its pretty fun to have him as his old self again.. cuz i think he is feelin better now cuz he is up running around again and screaming and all the fun stuff little 4 year olds do... ha ha well thats pretty much my crazy christmas break!! yay!!!! (not)

found out my grandma is dieing! :( :(

well.... i just barley found out that this is my last year and time with my great grandma! i cryed for hours when i found out still am!!! im going to miss her so much! i know its her time to go but just not yet! just let her stay just a couple more years please that's all i ask!! she was my favorite great grandma in the whole universe! and she is dieing in the worse way ever they said!! she wont eat she hasnt ate for almost a week! and she starving herself is the worst way to die! and i feel so bad!!! im really going to miss her so much!! i remember all the talks we had and what she told me to do when i get older and to stay away from guys! lol she is a funny grandma!!! but im really going to miss her!! its kinda funny how one time sence she is so old she thought i was a sales person and so i wouldnt go away so she was bragging me with money telling me to go away she was like i dont want any thing here i will just give you 50 bucks if you get out of here!! and i was like grandma its me your grandaughter and she was like what? and she looks at me more and she would be like o is that amber jennifers daughter i was like yup it is!! then she would give me a big hug and say hi im so glad you came and saw me!! i havent seen you in awhile! and i would be like i know!!!! and she would have this big smile on her face all cuz i went and saw her!! she loved me so much!!! and i even told her about calvin and she was right there for me! and then she thinks its funny to make funny jokes when there not funny to me but my great grandma is a little stinker lol cuz she was like o im sorry! its ok i will enter tane him when i get up there witch will be right now and i was like your not going to die right now and she would be like i know its a joke dont you get it amber and i was like o ya? um... i sure do get it grandma!! ha ha o geese but she kept making jokes like that and she would burst out laughing! and i was like ok my grandma gone on crack. lol but she is so funny!! but now she gets to be with calvin and now she gets to enter tane him yay!!! ha ha not jk but she better not tell him any thing embarssing about me! cuz ah! scarey! lol o well they can get there own little laugh and giggles out of my embrassing stuff i did. ha ha well i hope she has fun up there and i told her to tell calvin i say hi and every body else!! wow i cant belive she is already leaving me!!! ugh!!! and calvin to!! geese what is going on in this world? its like soon every body is going to be leaving me!! ugh.!! well i will miss her so much and i hope she has fun!!! and gets all her laughs and giggles out with calvin!! ha ha well i love you grandam forever and ever!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

happy birthday calvin! yesterday was my best friends birthday! i miss him so much! when i woke up it was so weird because i rememered it was calvin's birthday but it felt like he was still here and i just knew i was going to tell him happy birthday over text and then like try to go over to his house to have a party and it just totally felt like that the whole day. it was so weird. but then i was so mad at myself cuz i wanted to go see calvin so bad and i even told my mom and dad that i said k im not planning any thing tell i go see calvin and my mom was like ok? and i was like k then it snowed pretty much the whole time and i was mad cuz my mom didnt want to take me or any one and my mom had so much to do!! and ah!!! i wanted to go see him so bad!! so i was mad at myself but i hope he isnt mad at me cuz i didnt see him... but i just hope he understands cuz the weather was so bad!! but any ways i miss him so much. i remember in the summer he asked when my birthday was and i was like oct. 8 and he goes so wait am i older then you and i was like idk when is your birthday and he goes dec. 22 and i was like k do you really think your older then me? and he goes yup i do! and i was like ha ha sorry buddy but your wrongo im older and he goes gosh dang it all the girls are older then me i hate it!! and i just laughed and he goes ya well... when i turn 14 im just going to say that im older then you so i can finally be older then one girl.. and i was like o my gosh! calvin you make me laugh! and he goes o lol okey then.. and i was like yup! and then he goes is that ok with you? and i was like yup thats ok with me and he goes ok. sweet! yes when im 14 i get to be older then you ha ha and idk he just made me laugh!! ha ha but now calvin guess what?! your older then me now!! you should be excited! i hope you are!! well me and kadee and kimmi and cheyenne did a little party for you! so i hope you had fun at are party and that you had fun in heaven!!!! i miss you tons!! and also again! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTIE! and i hope you also have a fun christmas!! you should cuz your up there and its jesus birthday! wow i waunder what you guys do up there for christmas sence your really with jesus now! wow i bet it will be a blast! dang i want to know what you do! that would be so much fun! you will have to come down and tell me every thing! cuz i think it will be fun!! so much fun! well have a merry one and happy happy birthday!! the one who is OLDER then me now!! lol o geese calvin you crack me up!! well i love you so much!! come down and see me sometime cuz im missin ya! alot! well love ya so much!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

CHRISTMAS IS ON ITS WAY

AH!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!

WELL... if you cant tell... CHRISTMAS is my favorite holiday ever!! i love christmas so much!! and you know christmas just isnt all about gifts and decarations and all the fun stuff... its mostly about the cross and when christ was born and ya.... i love celebrating it!! ya know all these years i think i finally relize y we celebrate it cuz i never really under stood it... well last year i did 2 but i think i under stand it more this year... and i think its cuz i go to church alot more and idk what it is but i told my family that we need to have a lesson on this on christmas day and stuff becasue we never hardly talk about it on christmas day or eve so i think we need to change it a little bit this year and do something cuz i love the lord so much!! and i feel gulity that i just want to open presents then i forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but... we can still have are fun... cuz its not bad to have r fun or any thing like that but sometims we get a little to carried away and forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but i love it!! christmas music is also my fav to! i love christmas music so much! i listin to it about every day i never can get sick of it!! i love spending time with my family i love all my family its the best time to get together with your family and just visit and talk about what's happing in your life and stuff... cuz when your family lives far away and you hardly get to see them thats the best time to get catch up on things you miss out on... so thats y i love christmas so much.. cuz of the happiness and music and are savoior the lord and jesusse.... best time ever!!!! but im so exceited!!! you have no idea!! i have been going crazy sense after hollaween! ha ha and now we onley have like 3 days tell christmas eve and 4 days tell christmas day!! ah! exciteing!!!! merry christmas to every one!!! :)

Every thing going down hill.........

OMG!! what do i do wrong?!?!?! thats all i want to know!! i try to be as nice as i can to all my friends! and i feel like im doing my best but i guess not!!! because im already loosing one of my best frineds ariana i feel so bad! she is like always putting me down and stuff. and idk any more! and we got in this big fight over my other best friend! she said that we need to go are seprate ways and stuff cuz i guess im just not there for her any more cuz i never really hang out with her. and stuff. so... now we dont really dont talk and she just is... ah!! idk but she just thinks of me as a chourse friend! and i still love her so much!! and i feel bad! becasue last year i got in a big fight with my friend kelsie and they told ariana to not be my friend but no she said no to them and stayed on my side and she has known carissa and kelsie longer then me. and she still turned them down and was always there for me always!!! now i feel like im treating her like trash!! and i feel bad!! becasue she told me that awhile back. that she was always there for me and turned her friends down for me!!! and she always stuck up for me when guys would call me names!! she was just right there for me!!! and i feel bad now because im rarley there for her now and she has done so much for me and this past year i like havent really been there for her. like when r friend died i wasnt really there for her she was there for me!!! and i feel bad!! and idk what to do? because sometimes idk but when your friends are actully gone you relize how much you really need them!!! cuz that's how i feel for ariana you know i thought maby i wouldnt cry if me and ariana wasnt friends any more! but ya right!!! i acutlly really need her!! and i love her so much!! and now it just hurts to know that she doesnt want to be my friend cuz im not a good friend at all!!!! im just a stuiped girl!!! i hate life! i hate this year so bad i hate it!!! its my worse year ever!! actully every year is my worse year!!!! i wish i could be up there with my friend calvin!!! cuz im so sick of getting hurt every year!!! im sick of being sad!! im sick of every thing!!! and i just want to know y i deserve this?!?!?! what do i do wrong?!?!?! cuz every year every thing goes down hill!! i want to move some where far away!!! i hate spanish fork!!! i hate this whole world!!!! my whole school pretty much hates me except for all my best friends and stuff!!!! and all i do is complain!!! and stuff and im just a big fat drama queen!! even ask my best friend she will tell you the truth!!!! i hate life!!! i hate it!!! all i ever do is cry now!! all i ever do is complain!! all i ever want is to go to my real home witch is heaven!! or to move some where far away!!!! i hate life!! idk what to do any more?!?!?! ah!!!!! i want to leave! :( :( :( :......(

MY NEW BED!!

WELL..... i finally got a new bed cuz i was stuck with this small bed and it was onely a one mattress and it broke my back like all the time so now i finally got a queen and o my gosh im in heavin it has an extra fluff to it or whatever and o my gosh you just melt into that bed and you could fall asleep so fast in it!!! ah!! im in love with my bed i named it fluffy!!! lol jk i didnt name it but i really like it and it makes my room look more like a room cuz my bed is up high now and my other bed was down low to the ground. lol so ya. but i love it!!!!!! and i got new sheets to match it to and ya!! and o my gosh!! im so excited for christmas you have no idea!!!! lol ah!!!!!!!!!

SNOW!!!!!

AH!! well snow is coming and it snowed today. lol well i cant wait cuz i love going sledding its so much fun!!! i used to go alot with my used to be best friend ha ha we would always make it fun!! now its my turn to take out my three best friends and make it fun for all four of us!!! it will be a blast!! i hate snow cuz its cold but that's like the onely reason y i hate it. but then i love snow because idk y but it make's me feel happy inside and joyful and fun and stuff. and then you get to go sledding and build snowmans with your brothers or sisters and family and friends and its just so much fun!!!! i love christmas its my favorite holiday!! ever!!! it always makes me happy and i just love being with my family that i dont really get to see that much!!! and we always make christmas joyful and fun for are lives!! i love it!!! it always brings back good memories of are friends an family and its just so much fun to talk about old funny memories we have!! i have alot of fun and great memories with all my friends and famliy!! well christmas is coming up and im already in the spirit of it!! well actully i was already in the spirit of it in november ha ha pretty funny!! my friends thought i was crazy!! but im just so excited!! and my friend who past away will be down here for christmas i just know it!!! cuz thats the whole holday spirit and he is going to be with his family for christmas!! ah!! exciting!! i cant wait!!!!

found out how to edit pictures!!!

this is ariana!! we have are ups and downs alot!!! and it sucks!! cuz ya know you never know how much you really need them until you loose them and it sucks!! i mean its pretty boreing when my house phone is ringing and then i found out its not for me its eaither for my mom or dad or its a stupied sale person!! and then it sucks cuz all i do is text and ariana doesnt have a phone so she always calls me and i get sick of texting alot and so i love talking on phone and speacily when you need to tell them something and its really long ha ha. sometimes i wish i never had a cell phone becasue then i would probably get alot of calls from my friends like alot. lol well maby not alot but ya. but i love her so much. she finally understands cuz where friends again she kept telling me she hated me like after a month my friend died. and that made it harder for me!! but she finlly said sorry but im sorry ariana for all the things i do and stuff and im sorry i never is really there for u!! im sorry!! but i love you so much and dont ever forget that!! cuz i can never stop loveing you it will be to hard!!!!!!! to stop loving you!!! sometimes you are right ariana i did change this year alot and i know you wish i was the same old amber as last year but im sorry things change but sometimes i wish i was the old amber last year to!!! but im truley sorry ariana and i love you so much!!! im glad you still calll me and im glad where still friends!!! you make me happy!! thanks!

hey look its my 2 best friends!! kadee and kimmy!! ah! you guys are so pretty!! i love you guys so much! i wouldnt know what to do if i didnt have u guys in my life! i would be so lost way lost!! even if i died i would be lost in heaven with out u guys well kinda cuz i would always be right there for u guys!! lol but ah!! this is one of my pic i edited and i love it!! its so freakin cute! christmas is coming up!! exciting but i have like 8 pic that i edited lol but im onely going to put like a couple of them on here!! well guys i love you guys so much!!! you guys are geourges and im so jeaulse of u guys!! ah!!! love you!!!

this is calvin!! and i edited this pic to!! lol well i had a little help from my best friend kimmy!! ha ha wow i miss him so much!! its kinda crazy how time moves so fast!!! cuz its almost been 2 months sence he past away. it just feels like he has been on vaction for ever and i just know he is going to come back and then im going to be so excited and every thing!!! ah!!! but then again it just feels like we got in a huge fight and so he hates my guts!! but other times it really does feel like he past away cuz he did!! but idk my mind likes to switch things around it likes to trick me!! i wish he was just on vaction forever and i was going to see him sometime soon but i have to wait but i know i will see him again and i just cant wait!!! its going to be a blast!!! calivn i love you so much!!!

this is kayla!! ha ha i love her!! she is so funny!! ha ha this is another one i edited!! she is so fun to be around!! we have are good times! lol kayla remember muffin's ha ha and funny!! math class is so fun with her in it!! it would be boreing if she wasnt in it!! wow!!! lol well i love you kayla!!

nobodys no's how i feel!!

so.... well my life is diffrent and idk any more i have this problem and im scared to tell my family and friends because there probably going to get mad at me and then i probably wont have friends and im afraid when i tell them im going to cry and i just feel bad!! and idk any more!! nobodys no's how i really feel no one can tell how i feel and i could be hiding it and no one would no. no one at all!! and idk how to even say it!!! but idk its just hard really hard for me cuz me im just a big fat loser baby!!! and stuff!! and if i tell my friends and family there probabaly going to be like o my gosh!! just stop talking about it~!! or get over it amber!! or stuff like that and idk im just scared!! and i never going to be ready i dont think!! im really scared!! and its hard to tell other people cuz all you want to do is cry and they have no idea what your feeling or you know? its just ugh. idk any more i give up on life!! :( it sucks!!

thinking on my way home!

i was coming home from green river cuz thats where i went this weekend and we left green river about 4 and we where heading down the high way and i had my mp3 player out and i was listing to it and i was listing to right now witch is my best friends favorite song calvin i got him into that song lol its a long story how i got him into liking that song alot lol but he liked it cuz of his girlfreind but any ways i kept listing to that song over and over cuz i really like that song to and i kept looking in the skys hoping i could maby see my best friend who past away not to long ago and i just kept looking up there hoping maby i would get a sign or something so that i knew he was watching me!! i was so sad in the car becasue i remember i would be texting him in the car and he would keep texting me saying hey are u home yet? like he kept worrying about me! witched i loved it. lol but he would always say that to me then when i didnt have service i couldnt text him any more then like when i would get service i would have like 5 text messages from him saying hey amber!! r u ok? hello? or are u home yet? or like things like that and i was like calvin its ok. im almost home or im not home yet or ya know things like that and he was like ok im just checking ha ha and so ya i just kept getting more sad becasuse i really miss him alot and i just wish like one day i would get a text from him saying its ok and stuff but that will never happin but no one was texting me when i was on my way home and i just knew if he was still alive he would be texting me right there asking me if i made it home yet or not? he is such a sweet boy!! i love him to death!! but i just kept looking in the sky and as it got darker i started to freak out becasue the flash backs came back to where he left at night and got killed and so i was getting scared!! but i still kept thinking like o i waunder if he can see me and he is trying to talk to me saying im going to make it home alright and stuff!!! but i just miss texting him i mean on every trip i went on calvin was there right there texting me saying r u having fun? or did you make it home ok? or i hope you dont get into a car crash and get killed? or you know things like that or he would be telling me his problems ya know. he was just so caring for me!! and now this trip was alot diffrent cuz he wasnt texting me and it just pretty much sad the whole trip i even cried on my way back home!! becasue i miss texting him!!! i mean he was always worrying about me like every time i went on a trip!! and now im sure he still is but i just wont know it!!! but i just kept thinking like can he see me? or what happins if i get in a car crash and i die? or will it ever be the same up there as it was down here? or ya know ya!! i just miss him way to much!!!! and i will probably be sad on all my trips cuz he isnt there texting me like the old times!! im really going to miss that the most!!!!! but ya that was my thinking on my way home today!!!!

my crazy week!!!

wow this week has been so crazy for me!!! so sunday i started caughing and so i thought maby i would get better this week!! well yesterday on thanksgiving i was at my grandmas and i wouldnt stop caughing and every time i would caugh or laugh my ribs and my lungs would hurt and so i thought maby i bruised them from caughing so hard! but it kept getting worse and i told my mom that and she was like o thats not good and when we got home it hurt even worse and so i told my mom and dad that and i couldnt breath that good eaither so they said take some cold and caugh medicne and go to bed so i did and i went to bed about 8 last night and i feel asleep on my couch and i got up in the middle of the night and went to my bed. i woke up about almost 10 and i started caughing like non stop!! and i just couldnt breath one bit. my mom and dad came rushing in my bedroom to check on me cuz they kept hearing me and i got up thinking i was going to throw up and my mom and dad asked me whats wrong and i said i cant breath my lungs hurt and i just kept caughing so my mom was like great she probably has phenamiona and so they called the doctor and my apoinment wasn't tell 1:30 so i had to servive tell then. when i got to the doctors he told my mom i have the symptoms of having phenamiona so i had to go get x-rays of my chest and when i got them done he told me ihad a really really bad virus that was going around but i couldnt be out and about cuz i was so close to gettin pheamoina it wasn't even funny!! cuz like last sunday i had to go to the hospital because i couldnt breath that good and they told me that if they didnt get this crap i had in my lungs out then it could kill me and so i was freaking out about that and so ya. but now i am on alot of medeicine and stuff and i just hope i get better cuz if i still have chest pains next week then i have to go back and get more tests done to see whats wrong with me. and im kinda scared cuz i dont want to end up dieing or something becasue right now its really hard for me to breath and when ever i do it kill's my lungs so bad!!! i cant laugh or caugh or breath with out my lungs hurting me!! so that's my crazy week of being sick!! i have been sick now for like almost 2 weeks now and i hate being sick!!! i just hope i dont end up dieing or stuff becasue i have been told i could die and stuff!!! speacily if i end up getting pheamoina cuz that could kill you if you get it like way bad!!! so i hope i get better soon!! cuz i just wouldn't be able to handle it seeing my family and friends cry when i die cuz i would probably be sad in heavin if i saw them cry every day!!! i would be telling my buddy calvin that we need to go down there and cheer are family's and friends up!!! then we probably would!! cuz knowing calvin he is the best he would do any thing to cheer his family and friends up!! and i would be right there to help him if i did die!!!!!

my best friend kadee!!!!!

sorry i couldnt get a pic of her so ya!! but any ways she is my best friend!!! where always together pretty much every day!!! not a whole lot this week cuz this week as been so crazy but ya most the time where toghther!! i have known her for three years!!! we didnt really become best friends tell this year!! i moved in like four years ago and i went to her elementry school but i didnt have a class with her! and i go to her same ward! and when i hit young womens thats when i got to know her a little bit but she probably thought i was weird in six grade. ha ha but ya and in seventh grade we where pretty tight for a while cuz we had p.e last year together!! and then all a suddin we kinda stoped talking for a little bit! but then i got in a fight with my other best friend and i asked if i could hang out with her in the mornings and so i did for a while then i started to hang out with ariana more!! and then i never really saw her but at church and we just talked and stuff then over the summer i had my frist sleep over with her witch was at her house and thats when i meat calvin lol cuz we did this prank on him and ya it was pretty fun!! but now we have p.e together again this year and we have so much freakin fun in that class!! its like the bomb in p.e. ha ha. but we like never ever get sick of each other we act like sisters cuz we sometimes fight but we can like never get mad at each other more then a min. ha ha and we also play fight alot. lol we love to slap each other and throw are hair against the wall and hit each other with magazines ha ha we have had so much fun together like all the time!! i can never be bored with her never in my life!!! she is my world!!! we have been through so much and she has always been right there for me and i thank her so much!! cuz if it wasnt for her i would probably be dead right now!!! she has changed my life so much this past year!!! she intourduced me into this amazing guy ever that i fell in love with and still is!!!! i thank her so much for every thing!! im suprised she can put up with all my crap!! lol but i love her so much!!! way to much to ever let her go!!!! if she ever died or any thing my heart would just bail on me and i would probably die!! because she is my heart!! she is the one who is keeping me alive every day that goes bye!!!! i love her so much!!! i will always be here for her!!! through any thing!! even if its something stupied and she is crying about it i will still be here and she will have my shoulder to cry on!!! i love her way to much!!!! ha ha we have the best times ever!!! where always hyper!! i love having sleep overs with her! we sleep in her kitchin sometimes! ha ha not that comtaforble but it works!! ha ha and a butt load of fun!!!! i would give my life up for her if i knew she was about to die or any thing happin to her i would just go die for her and do any thing for her i love her so much!!!! but i want her to know that i will always be here for her even if i died or something happind to me i just want her to know i will always be right here for her every step of the way! i would be so sad if she killed her self just cuz i died!!! but i hope she never does if something like that happined to me!!! but if it does she needs to keep this word with her every where she goes that im watching her and i will help her with any thing and be there for her through hard times and weak times!!! i love you so much!!! and you never forget that!!!! ever!!!!!

my best firend kimmy!!

this is my best friend kimmy!!!! i have known her for three years!! we are really tight!! we have been threw so much this past month in a half and still is trying to work it out!! i will always be here for her!! we have quiet a few in common and we love to dance it rocks!!!! i love her to death!! she is the best thing in my life!! we party all the time it feels like! where hyper every time where together! and we love boys!!! lol quiet funny!! we even fell in love with the same guy! ha ha pretty funny!! but we never really get mad at each other never!!! but it sucks cuz we go to diffrent schools so we dont really get to see each other all the time but we try to hang out as much as we can!!! we just have a blast when we are together speacily with are other best friend kadee witch i will be writing about soon. but any ways!!! we have had are ups and downs and if it wasnt for me to email her i dont think we would be friends now!! but i love her so much! if i was to know she was about to die or any thing i would give my life for her to live again to like my other best friend calvin if i would have known he was going to die or any thing i would just give up my life for him so he could live again!! but i guess there really isnt any thing i can do now!! but i so so so so wish i could!!! it would make me so happy if i could change it around and give my life up for calvin!!!! it was me and kadee and kimmys best friend also!! he was amazing kid!!! ha ha but any ways!! she rocks my world!! if it wasnt for her i would probably be dead right now!! she has changed my life alot this past year and made it so much better!!!! and im glad!!! i love hearing her laugh it makes me laugh to. her smile is so georgues i love it!! and so did calvin!!!! i love you so much kimmy and dont u ever forget it!!!! i will always be right here for you!! always even if i die or something happins to me i want u to know that i will always be here for u even if im gone!! just like calvin is here for us!! but i just want you to know this just in case something does happin to me or i die!!!! but i love you so much kimmy!!! you will always be in my heart even though your still alive!! lol but i love ya so much!!!!!!! we have a ton of inside jokes!! we joke around so much!! she always stills my phone!! lol but she is my idle my hero my every thing!! i would be in so much pain and anger at my self if i ever found out she died or something really bad happined to her!!! i would be so so so so sad it would be so hard to live my life with out her in my life!!! but i just want her to know and i want her to keep these words with her every where she goes that i will be right here for her!! i will always love you!! i will be watching you every where!! i will help you through any thing and help you through your weaknesses!!!!! if i die!! im not saying i am going to die now but im saying if i ever do in life like if its unexpected!!! so this is y im saying this cuz you just have to read this if i die!! and im going to act like i just died and my last words to you would be i love you so much i will always be here for you!! and im watching over you now!! and your going to be ok!! and i love you so freakin much your my hero and you make me so happy!!!! i love your smile i love every thing about u!! u made me a better person kimmy!! your amazing awsome friend in the whole universe!!! and dont ever forget that i love you so much!! with all my heart!!!!! your the best!! love ya so much kimmy!!! that would be my last words so if i ever die all u have to do is look over this and read it!! ok. lol but ya well kimmy your so amazing and i probably said i love you like over 30 times now but its true i so love you kimmy hayes!! haha

my mom!!

my mom is a butt and wont let me take pic of her!! so ya but i love my mom also!! and i would probably die! if i lost my mom!! or any thing happined to her! i try and help her out alot! but most the time i feel like a bad daughter cuz lately i havent done much for her!! and i feel bad! but im trying speacily this week!! and me and my mom get in fights alot to and there no play fights there like me getting grounded or i end up hurting her feelings or she ends up hurting my feelings!! but you know how that is!! but i would do any thing for her!! and she is also my hero!! i love her way to much to ever like run away and never come back my whole life!! i get sick of her alot ha ha but when she is gone for like a day or two or longer i realize how much i miss her and i need her!! and i wouldnt be able to live if i didnt see my mom more then 2 days!!! but i love my mom so much!! and i know she is right there for me if i ever need to talk to her! or im just sad!! and i will always be right here for her to!!!! no matter what!!!! i love my mom so much!! she is the best!!!

my awsome dad!!

this is my dad!!! he rocks!! i love him so much! we fight like all the time though we never get along! but most the time we play fight alot! my mom said we act more like brother and sister then daughter and father!! ha ha its pretty funny!! but i love him so much and i wouldnt know what to do if i lost him!! he is my hero! he helps me with any thing and he can always tell whats wrong with me!!! always!! and my dad is always so nice! he pretty much lets me do any thing! well sometimes!! but he is just amazing!! i love you dad!!!!

my brother!

this is my other little brother! where also kinda far apart to! 8 years! i get along pretty good sometimes!! but i think me and him fight the most!! sometimes we just play fight!! ha ha and then when he ends up hurt he goes and tells my mom then i get in trouble for it!! but i still love him to death!! there is times where nice to each other! im always there for him always!! and when he needs help i help him sometimes!! but i love him to death to!!! he is an amazing little anry boy!! lol but he is also pretty fun to hang around with to! if i didnt have him as my brother i would be pretty bored with out him in my life! he is the one who makes my life fun and happy and joy ful!!! well they both do!! but ya i love him so much!! and if any thing happins to him i will be so so so so so sad!!!! cuz i love them both to death and will always be there big sis!!!!

my brother

this is my little brother! where way far apart! 10 years!! but i get along with him the most! well kinda onely if im in a good mood and he isnt in his annoying mood. lol but i love him to death! he can be so cute at some points!! he called me his best friend!! cuz we have a family pic and he was pointing and saying who they are and when he pointed at me he goes there is amber she is my best friend i love her she is my best sister!! he is so cute!! i love him so much!!

just got this blog!!

hey! i just barely got this blog and its pretty cool. but um... if u have any tips how to work it or to put music on your profile will you comment me and tell me how. cuz i really dont know any thing about this yet. ha ha but i will try and keep up dating about my life and things that happin and stuff!!! so ya well thats all i have to say for now. but comment me if u know any thing k! thanks!!

my mom!!

my mom went and got surgery yesterday! and i was praying nothing bad would happin to her! and so yesterday i stayed home from school and watched my brothers y my mom went in for surgery! my dad was there with her! and i just kept praying that nothing would happin to her! like i knew nothing bad was going to happin to her becasue this wasn't like some hight risk surgery type thing! but i still kept praying just in case something did happin. Any ways when my mom got out of sergury she was doing ok. untill she woke up she started feeling really sick she had cramps so bad but they where 10 times worse then she has ever had them in her life! so she was like dieing in pain! and she started getting really sick and throwing up and she couldn't walk or any thing i just wanted to go over to the hospital so bad to go see her! but my dad wouldn't let me. so i had to stay home and be worried for like ever! then finally my dad called me to check up on me and stuff and i asked how mom was doing and he said still the same! she is really really sick! and i was like o dang! then we hung up and i just kept on praying hoping nothing is going to go wrong and im going to loose my mom. so i was like sitting home for ever! and finally about 2p.m they finally let my mom go home. and they showed up and i gave my mom the biggest hug ever! trying not to hurt her stomach cuz thats where she got surgery at! but i have never been that scared in my life and now today she is doing alot better!! and im so glad!! cuz you never know what could go wrong! but im just glad my mom is home safe and is doing tons better!

My best friend! calvin hansen!

calvin hansen died on october 15, in a roll over car crash!! he wasns't wearing his seat belt so he got ejected from the car! he was my best friend and he was so nice to every one!! i will miss him deerly ever one will!! i will miss his smile and his laughter! he always made me smile and laugh even if i didnt want to smile or laugh he still made me though!! he could get any thing out of me! like i would sit and promiss myself not to tell him and then he would call me and be like amber! plz tell me and just hearing that voice is what made me tell him. he could get any thing out of me just by calling me! or if i was walking in the halls at school and he would come up to me saying just tell me plz then i would have to tell him becasue i couldn't help seeing his face so i just had to tell him. ha ha but i could also get things out of him to!! he felt like a brother to me! cuz he was just there for me when i would be going through hard times! he always cheered me up! I always wished i could be a good football player like him! he was so good! sometimes he would text me and be like do u want to play football and i would say ya and so we would play football and it was so much fun but i wasn't neerly as good as him though!!! he is way way good at it!! but i miss him so much and im so glad i got to meat him! if it wasnt for my best friend kadee i would have never meat him so i thank her so much!! but he made a big impact on my life and he also changed my life to and made it better for me!! he is so amazing!! i miss him so much and he will always be in my heart forever and ever!!!!! i love you calvin!! r.i.p!!