calvin!

calvin!
missin you so much!!!! you'll never be forgotten by me!!! i love you always and forever!!!! :(

Wednesday 14 October 2009

calvin! :)

calvin :) my buddy! i cant belive its been a whole year!! wow where did the days go... ??? i figured i would write this on wensday cuz i think i would be to sad to write this tomorrow... and i dont want to cry.. cuz i need to be strong and just think of all the happy memories i have had with you! but i have missed you so much! its crazy! there are times i think that would if i forget you? but then i say but i wont! cuz i wont let it happin!! but idk im just scared... and there has been times i need to talk to you so bad! cuz your the only person i think of who could make me laugh and turn my frowny face up to a smiley face! :) i loved that about you! but when i needed someone to talk to you wheren't there... and so i just cryed hopeing you where by me... cuz i just wanted to hear your voice and i just needed you to help me out.. cuz my friends wheren't really helping.. all they would say is "im sorry" and that doesnt really help any more... and i know you would make me laugh and tell me its going to be alright!!! but thats the thing i miss is calling you or texting you and asking for your help cuz you have good advice! and i love that about you!! :) but nothing will be the same now... i just wish i could have seen you one last time before you left! and got to tell you bye... :( but i love your smile calvin! thats one i always remember in the hall way when im walking i can just pic you pasting me with your smile!! haha when i still walk in the halls at school i keep thinking this person is you cuz he looks alot like you until he turns around and i see his face then he is totally diffrent looking. haha but i miss you! and i pray for his family and frineds that we'll all have the spirit with us on this day.. and that we can just smile and think of all the happy memories! cuz where going to need it! calvin i remember the time when i very first met you in person.. haha at the libarly for the kids parade. we hung out that whole day pretty much. i was so excited to met you and everything. and steven came along! that was so fun! except you and steven kept ditching us.. haha jk but we where takin pictures of you guys and you kept lookin away! but i loved hanging out with you guys.. it was so much fun!! and we kept going inside the libary and you guys where on the computers.. haha fun times! i miss those days!!! and the street dance! that was fun to! you and steven where doing the hokey pokey dance!! o my you made me laugh so hard! though's where the funnest days! wow im going to miss it! but your in a better place now! and calvin i love you so much! i miss everything about you! and ill be thinkin about you the hole day tomorrow and im going to come visit you to! but i miss you so so much and you'll never be forgotten by me... cant belive its been a year!! i miss you buddy!!! :(

Tuesday 6 October 2009

All the memories and birthday comin up!

wow!! i just cant even belive its almost been a year sence calvin died... if feels like i just saw calvin yesterday with his big smile!! it really does... i just am still in shock he is gone.. there is no way i would have imagined him pasting away.. wouldnt have had a clue... i didnt think i would ever go through this stuff!! but apperntly i did.. and i just cant belive i have made it this far... but after a year.. and thinking about it.. and getting my head straighten out!! i think i finally relized why he died.. cuz god didnt take him from us just to make us misserble... it was cuz he needed him.. and as i think back... when he was alive i wasnt the greatest person.. i made mistakes.. but when he past away its like i became a whole new me!! like he has changed my life.. and has made me even stronger!! like it was the most hardest thing in my intire life seeing him past away.. but it just means if i have came this far then.. it means i can make it through harder stuff to.. i mean yes when he died i was depressed forever!! but one day.. i just felt him next to me!! and as soon as i knew he was by my side i started to get out and start doing stuff again.. and tryed not to be so hard on myself.. i mean i cant even explain how much he has changed me!!! but i really do miss him so very much!! its starten to get hard again.. just cuz the year is gettin closer!! its sad to think back oh i remeber he was at this thing with me.. and we where just having a blast and then to think but now he isnt here anymore to do that.. so then you get all sad again.. i mean all summer i was doin that.. i went to places i went with calvin last summer and it just brought back memories... good memories!!! but was wishing he was here! but this thursday is my birthday and i remember my friend kadee had a suprise birthday party for me and invited calvin to it.. but he couldnt come cuz he had football... so that night after my party calvin finally texted me cuz i havent texted him in like 2 days or so cuz we where just so busy.. and after my party he texted me and said that he was sorry that he didnt come and stuff.. and that he wish he would have.. but i just remember me going to school and i was walking in the hall and i pasted him and he didnt even tell me happy birthday.. lol and so then my friend ariana bumped into him and was like hey did you tell amber happy birthday? and he goes oh crap no i forgot! so he went through all the halls lookin for me just to tell me happy birthday and then he finally found me and came up to me and was like amber!! happy birthday!! and i was like aw thanks! lol and he goes i went through every hall lookin for you just to tell you that! and i was like o man calvin! you make me laugh! thanks! your so sweet! haha but he always made me laugh all the time!!!! i just miss him way to much!! and i love him so much!!!!