thinking on my way home!

i was coming home from green river cuz thats where i went this weekend and we left green river about 4 and we where heading down the high way and i had my mp3 player out and i was listing to it and i was listing to right now witch is my best friends favorite song calvin i got him into that song lol its a long story how i got him into liking that song alot lol but he liked it cuz of his girlfreind but any ways i kept listing to that song over and over cuz i really like that song to and i kept looking in the skys hoping i could maby see my best friend who past away not to long ago and i just kept looking up there hoping maby i would get a sign or something so that i knew he was watching me!! i was so sad in the car becasue i remember i would be texting him in the car and he would keep texting me saying hey are u home yet? like he kept worrying about me! witched i loved it. lol but he would always say that to me then when i didnt have service i couldnt text him any more then like when i would get service i would have like 5 text messages from him saying hey amber!! r u ok? hello? or are u home yet? or like things like that and i was like calvin its ok. im almost home or im not home yet or ya know things like that and he was like ok im just checking ha ha and so ya i just kept getting more sad becasuse i really miss him alot and i just wish like one day i would get a text from him saying its ok and stuff but that will never happin but no one was texting me when i was on my way home and i just knew if he was still alive he would be texting me right there asking me if i made it home yet or not? he is such a sweet boy!! i love him to death!! but i just kept looking in the sky and as it got darker i started to freak out becasue the flash backs came back to where he left at night and got killed and so i was getting scared!! but i still kept thinking like o i waunder if he can see me and he is trying to talk to me saying im going to make it home alright and stuff!!! but i just miss texting him i mean on every trip i went on calvin was there right there texting me saying r u having fun? or did you make it home ok? or i hope you dont get into a car crash and get killed? or you know things like that or he would be telling me his problems ya know. he was just so caring for me!! and now this trip was alot diffrent cuz he wasnt texting me and it just pretty much sad the whole trip i even cried on my way back home!! becasue i miss texting him!!! i mean he was always worrying about me like every time i went on a trip!! and now im sure he still is but i just wont know it!!! but i just kept thinking like can he see me? or what happins if i get in a car crash and i die? or will it ever be the same up there as it was down here? or ya know ya!! i just miss him way to much!!!! and i will probably be sad on all my trips cuz he isnt there texting me like the old times!! im really going to miss that the most!!!!! but ya that was my thinking on my way home today!!!!

my crazy week!!!

wow this week has been so crazy for me!!! so sunday i started caughing and so i thought maby i would get better this week!! well yesterday on thanksgiving i was at my grandmas and i wouldnt stop caughing and every time i would caugh or laugh my ribs and my lungs would hurt and so i thought maby i bruised them from caughing so hard! but it kept getting worse and i told my mom that and she was like o thats not good and when we got home it hurt even worse and so i told my mom and dad that and i couldnt breath that good eaither so they said take some cold and caugh medicne and go to bed so i did and i went to bed about 8 last night and i feel asleep on my couch and i got up in the middle of the night and went to my bed. i woke up about almost 10 and i started caughing like non stop!! and i just couldnt breath one bit. my mom and dad came rushing in my bedroom to check on me cuz they kept hearing me and i got up thinking i was going to throw up and my mom and dad asked me whats wrong and i said i cant breath my lungs hurt and i just kept caughing so my mom was like great she probably has phenamiona and so they called the doctor and my apoinment wasn't tell 1:30 so i had to servive tell then. when i got to the doctors he told my mom i have the symptoms of having phenamiona so i had to go get x-rays of my chest and when i got them done he told me ihad a really really bad virus that was going around but i couldnt be out and about cuz i was so close to gettin pheamoina it wasn't even funny!! cuz like last sunday i had to go to the hospital because i couldnt breath that good and they told me that if they didnt get this crap i had in my lungs out then it could kill me and so i was freaking out about that and so ya. but now i am on alot of medeicine and stuff and i just hope i get better cuz if i still have chest pains next week then i have to go back and get more tests done to see whats wrong with me. and im kinda scared cuz i dont want to end up dieing or something becasue right now its really hard for me to breath and when ever i do it kill's my lungs so bad!!! i cant laugh or caugh or breath with out my lungs hurting me!! so that's my crazy week of being sick!! i have been sick now for like almost 2 weeks now and i hate being sick!!! i just hope i dont end up dieing or stuff becasue i have been told i could die and stuff!!! speacily if i end up getting pheamoina cuz that could kill you if you get it like way bad!!! so i hope i get better soon!! cuz i just wouldn't be able to handle it seeing my family and friends cry when i die cuz i would probably be sad in heavin if i saw them cry every day!!! i would be telling my buddy calvin that we need to go down there and cheer are family's and friends up!!! then we probably would!! cuz knowing calvin he is the best he would do any thing to cheer his family and friends up!! and i would be right there to help him if i did die!!!!!

my best friend kadee!!!!!

sorry i couldnt get a pic of her so ya!! but any ways she is my best friend!!! where always together pretty much every day!!! not a whole lot this week cuz this week as been so crazy but ya most the time where toghther!! i have known her for three years!!! we didnt really become best friends tell this year!! i moved in like four years ago and i went to her elementry school but i didnt have a class with her! and i go to her same ward! and when i hit young womens thats when i got to know her a little bit but she probably thought i was weird in six grade. ha ha but ya and in seventh grade we where pretty tight for a while cuz we had p.e last year together!! and then all a suddin we kinda stoped talking for a little bit! but then i got in a fight with my other best friend and i asked if i could hang out with her in the mornings and so i did for a while then i started to hang out with ariana more!! and then i never really saw her but at church and we just talked and stuff then over the summer i had my frist sleep over with her witch was at her house and thats when i meat calvin lol cuz we did this prank on him and ya it was pretty fun!! but now we have p.e together again this year and we have so much freakin fun in that class!! its like the bomb in p.e. ha ha. but we like never ever get sick of each other we act like sisters cuz we sometimes fight but we can like never get mad at each other more then a min. ha ha and we also play fight alot. lol we love to slap each other and throw are hair against the wall and hit each other with magazines ha ha we have had so much fun together like all the time!! i can never be bored with her never in my life!!! she is my world!!! we have been through so much and she has always been right there for me and i thank her so much!! cuz if it wasnt for her i would probably be dead right now!!! she has changed my life so much this past year!!! she intourduced me into this amazing guy ever that i fell in love with and still is!!!! i thank her so much for every thing!! im suprised she can put up with all my crap!! lol but i love her so much!!! way to much to ever let her go!!!! if she ever died or any thing my heart would just bail on me and i would probably die!! because she is my heart!! she is the one who is keeping me alive every day that goes bye!!!! i love her so much!!! i will always be here for her!!! through any thing!! even if its something stupied and she is crying about it i will still be here and she will have my shoulder to cry on!!! i love her way to much!!!! ha ha we have the best times ever!!! where always hyper!! i love having sleep overs with her! we sleep in her kitchin sometimes! ha ha not that comtaforble but it works!! ha ha and a butt load of fun!!!! i would give my life up for her if i knew she was about to die or any thing happin to her i would just go die for her and do any thing for her i love her so much!!!! but i want her to know that i will always be here for her even if i died or something happind to me i just want her to know i will always be right here for her every step of the way! i would be so sad if she killed her self just cuz i died!!! but i hope she never does if something like that happined to me!!! but if it does she needs to keep this word with her every where she goes that im watching her and i will help her with any thing and be there for her through hard times and weak times!!! i love you so much!!! and you never forget that!!!! ever!!!!!

my best firend kimmy!!

this is my best friend kimmy!!!! i have known her for three years!! we are really tight!! we have been threw so much this past month in a half and still is trying to work it out!! i will always be here for her!! we have quiet a few in common and we love to dance it rocks!!!! i love her to death!! she is the best thing in my life!! we party all the time it feels like! where hyper every time where together! and we love boys!!! lol quiet funny!! we even fell in love with the same guy! ha ha pretty funny!! but we never really get mad at each other never!!! but it sucks cuz we go to diffrent schools so we dont really get to see each other all the time but we try to hang out as much as we can!!! we just have a blast when we are together speacily with are other best friend kadee witch i will be writing about soon. but any ways!!! we have had are ups and downs and if it wasnt for me to email her i dont think we would be friends now!! but i love her so much! if i was to know she was about to die or any thing i would give my life for her to live again to like my other best friend calvin if i would have known he was going to die or any thing i would just give up my life for him so he could live again!! but i guess there really isnt any thing i can do now!! but i so so so so wish i could!!! it would make me so happy if i could change it around and give my life up for calvin!!!! it was me and kadee and kimmys best friend also!! he was amazing kid!!! ha ha but any ways!! she rocks my world!! if it wasnt for her i would probably be dead right now!! she has changed my life alot this past year and made it so much better!!!! and im glad!!! i love hearing her laugh it makes me laugh to. her smile is so georgues i love it!! and so did calvin!!!! i love you so much kimmy and dont u ever forget it!!!! i will always be right here for you!! always even if i die or something happins to me i want u to know that i will always be here for u even if im gone!! just like calvin is here for us!! but i just want you to know this just in case something does happin to me or i die!!!! but i love you so much kimmy!!! you will always be in my heart even though your still alive!! lol but i love ya so much!!!!!!! we have a ton of inside jokes!! we joke around so much!! she always stills my phone!! lol but she is my idle my hero my every thing!! i would be in so much pain and anger at my self if i ever found out she died or something really bad happined to her!!! i would be so so so so sad it would be so hard to live my life with out her in my life!!! but i just want her to know and i want her to keep these words with her every where she goes that i will be right here for her!! i will always love you!! i will be watching you every where!! i will help you through any thing and help you through your weaknesses!!!!! if i die!! im not saying i am going to die now but im saying if i ever do in life like if its unexpected!!! so this is y im saying this cuz you just have to read this if i die!! and im going to act like i just died and my last words to you would be i love you so much i will always be here for you!! and im watching over you now!! and your going to be ok!! and i love you so freakin much your my hero and you make me so happy!!!! i love your smile i love every thing about u!! u made me a better person kimmy!! your amazing awsome friend in the whole universe!!! and dont ever forget that i love you so much!! with all my heart!!!!! your the best!! love ya so much kimmy!!! that would be my last words so if i ever die all u have to do is look over this and read it!! ok. lol but ya well kimmy your so amazing and i probably said i love you like over 30 times now but its true i so love you kimmy hayes!! haha

my mom!!

my mom is a butt and wont let me take pic of her!! so ya but i love my mom also!! and i would probably die! if i lost my mom!! or any thing happined to her! i try and help her out alot! but most the time i feel like a bad daughter cuz lately i havent done much for her!! and i feel bad! but im trying speacily this week!! and me and my mom get in fights alot to and there no play fights there like me getting grounded or i end up hurting her feelings or she ends up hurting my feelings!! but you know how that is!! but i would do any thing for her!! and she is also my hero!! i love her way to much to ever like run away and never come back my whole life!! i get sick of her alot ha ha but when she is gone for like a day or two or longer i realize how much i miss her and i need her!! and i wouldnt be able to live if i didnt see my mom more then 2 days!!! but i love my mom so much!! and i know she is right there for me if i ever need to talk to her! or im just sad!! and i will always be right here for her to!!!! no matter what!!!! i love my mom so much!! she is the best!!!

my awsome dad!!

this is my dad!!! he rocks!! i love him so much! we fight like all the time though we never get along! but most the time we play fight alot! my mom said we act more like brother and sister then daughter and father!! ha ha its pretty funny!! but i love him so much and i wouldnt know what to do if i lost him!! he is my hero! he helps me with any thing and he can always tell whats wrong with me!!! always!! and my dad is always so nice! he pretty much lets me do any thing! well sometimes!! but he is just amazing!! i love you dad!!!!

my brother!

this is my other little brother! where also kinda far apart to! 8 years! i get along pretty good sometimes!! but i think me and him fight the most!! sometimes we just play fight!! ha ha and then when he ends up hurt he goes and tells my mom then i get in trouble for it!! but i still love him to death!! there is times where nice to each other! im always there for him always!! and when he needs help i help him sometimes!! but i love him to death to!!! he is an amazing little anry boy!! lol but he is also pretty fun to hang around with to! if i didnt have him as my brother i would be pretty bored with out him in my life! he is the one who makes my life fun and happy and joy ful!!! well they both do!! but ya i love him so much!! and if any thing happins to him i will be so so so so so sad!!!! cuz i love them both to death and will always be there big sis!!!!

my brother

this is my little brother! where way far apart! 10 years!! but i get along with him the most! well kinda onely if im in a good mood and he isnt in his annoying mood. lol but i love him to death! he can be so cute at some points!! he called me his best friend!! cuz we have a family pic and he was pointing and saying who they are and when he pointed at me he goes there is amber she is my best friend i love her she is my best sister!! he is so cute!! i love him so much!!

just got this blog!!

hey! i just barely got this blog and its pretty cool. but um... if u have any tips how to work it or to put music on your profile will you comment me and tell me how. cuz i really dont know any thing about this yet. ha ha but i will try and keep up dating about my life and things that happin and stuff!!! so ya well thats all i have to say for now. but comment me if u know any thing k! thanks!!

my mom!!

my mom went and got surgery yesterday! and i was praying nothing bad would happin to her! and so yesterday i stayed home from school and watched my brothers y my mom went in for surgery! my dad was there with her! and i just kept praying that nothing would happin to her! like i knew nothing bad was going to happin to her becasue this wasn't like some hight risk surgery type thing! but i still kept praying just in case something did happin. Any ways when my mom got out of sergury she was doing ok. untill she woke up she started feeling really sick she had cramps so bad but they where 10 times worse then she has ever had them in her life! so she was like dieing in pain! and she started getting really sick and throwing up and she couldn't walk or any thing i just wanted to go over to the hospital so bad to go see her! but my dad wouldn't let me. so i had to stay home and be worried for like ever! then finally my dad called me to check up on me and stuff and i asked how mom was doing and he said still the same! she is really really sick! and i was like o dang! then we hung up and i just kept on praying hoping nothing is going to go wrong and im going to loose my mom. so i was like sitting home for ever! and finally about 2p.m they finally let my mom go home. and they showed up and i gave my mom the biggest hug ever! trying not to hurt her stomach cuz thats where she got surgery at! but i have never been that scared in my life and now today she is doing alot better!! and im so glad!! cuz you never know what could go wrong! but im just glad my mom is home safe and is doing tons better!

My best friend! calvin hansen!

calvin hansen died on october 15, in a roll over car crash!! he wasns't wearing his seat belt so he got ejected from the car! he was my best friend and he was so nice to every one!! i will miss him deerly ever one will!! i will miss his smile and his laughter! he always made me smile and laugh even if i didnt want to smile or laugh he still made me though!! he could get any thing out of me! like i would sit and promiss myself not to tell him and then he would call me and be like amber! plz tell me and just hearing that voice is what made me tell him. he could get any thing out of me just by calling me! or if i was walking in the halls at school and he would come up to me saying just tell me plz then i would have to tell him becasue i couldn't help seeing his face so i just had to tell him. ha ha but i could also get things out of him to!! he felt like a brother to me! cuz he was just there for me when i would be going through hard times! he always cheered me up! I always wished i could be a good football player like him! he was so good! sometimes he would text me and be like do u want to play football and i would say ya and so we would play football and it was so much fun but i wasn't neerly as good as him though!!! he is way way good at it!! but i miss him so much and im so glad i got to meat him! if it wasnt for my best friend kadee i would have never meat him so i thank her so much!! but he made a big impact on my life and he also changed my life to and made it better for me!! he is so amazing!! i miss him so much and he will always be in my heart forever and ever!!!!! i love you calvin!! r.i.p!!