bored!

hey! im so bored right now and right now im waiting for kimmy to get off work so we can go to arianas b-day party!! yay..... haha but ya... there is nothing to do but sit here thats pretty much it how boreing is that??? geese... lol but well... today i went to kadee basketball game!!! talk about intence! lol i wanted to get up there and play with them.. ha ha but it looks hard cuz they run and run and run.. ha ha im not that great at it... but ya.. i need to do that more though and get in shape more for dance... ha ha i dont know y but running sounds fun right now. lol im just crazy lol o geese im startin to act like my friend kadee who says lol alot lol and thats me cuz now she got me saying lol alot now again.. ha ha geese kadee whats up with that? jk jk but any ways i can hear my brother playin rock band and dang i like this song its a good one its weird song but i like it its called im a creep... lol so funny!! me and my friends always have fun playing that game and i also got sing star pop talk about awsomely fun!! i love singing its so much fun! and we also play that. and i got sing star country comeing yay!! im so excited becasue i love country music!! i used to hate it all the time and now... its so weird cuz now i love it so much! i mean i could listing to a song over and over and over and not get sick of it!!!! how funny is that? i feel like gettin hyper i think i am yay!! exciting well gotta go up date somtime later on!!!

going crazy!!!!!

im going crazy cuz my dad left.... cuz he drives truck and they called him out to take a load up to casper then denver then back to casper then juiluen and then back up to denver and he left thursday morning and i didnt think i would miss him this much but holey cow talk about i do!!! i miss him very much!!! and i was scared cuz its supposed to be very stormy where he goes and so ya... but i miss him already and its only been 2 days and im going crazy with out him here.... i love him very much!! i didnt relize how much i loved my daddy tell now.... cuz i mean i get sick of him alot cuz he just bugs me alot.... lol and it bugs the crap out of me and i just get so mad at him.... ha ha but ya. and i have been such a brat lately and ugh.... i just miss him so so so much... i hate getting up in the morning's when he isnt there cuz he would always fight with me in the morning always... lol just to try and wake me up... and i miss that so much.. its no fun getting up in the mornings with out him there its just not... and every song reminds me of him cuz every song that would come on the radio he would come up to me saying hey amber who sings this song? and i would be like um.. idk lol and then he would tell me... haha he is so funny.. i swear he knows every song... he is kinda like me lol. i miss him... so much... i just want to cry and i think i will.... he is my best friend even though i dont get along with him that well he will always be my best friend forever and ever.... he will be my hero.. if any thing happend to him i dont think i could live any more... i wouldnt know what to do if i ever lost him.... i would be depressed every day of my life.. cuz i just love him so so so so much... he calls my mom about every day and i can tell he wants to come home and be with his family again he sounds bored and depressed... and im glad and for the first time he actully told me he misses me cuz where not the whole type of family that says i love you and hugs every sec... and is a lovey dovey family... lol we just never really do that around eachother its just not are thing but thats y it suprised me so much and im glad he told me that i almost started crying when he told me that... cuz i miss him very much to... i mean i know i get sick of him but you know what i get sick of him cuz i just love him way to much... and wow..... i miss him so so so much... i pray every day so he can make it home safe... i love my daddy way to much!!!! he is my number 1 hero!!!! i will do any thing for him any thing!!! even though i will hate it but you know what its for him thats all that matters... and he wont be home tell tuesday or wensday wow that seems like along time for me!!! i cant wait to see him again!!! i will be so happy to know he made it hom safe and sound and that he can be in my arms again!!!! :) wow!!! daddy i love you way to much to ever let you go!!!! your my hero and i know that your always here for me... i love it how i can talk to you with my problems and you wont tell mom or any one thats what i love about you.. and your just way to nice dad!!!! but you know what i love every thing about you.. i cant wait tell you teach me how to drive!!! it will be fun cuz i know you can trust me!!!! dad!! one last time!!! i love you so so so much!!!!! i really really do miss you!!!! it might not sound like it but i really do dad im like crying right now for you to come home and be with us again!!! i just want you home with us again instead of somewhere far away!!!! daddy!! please make it home safe!! im praying for u!!!!! every night!!! love you so so so much!!! most of all love your laugh and smile you always know how to make me laugh and smile i get my smile from you im so happy i do!!!! cant wait to see you home again back in my arms!! love you so so much!!!!

MY GRADES!

O~M~G!!!! OK..... so its the end of the 2 term at school and in clothing i had a bad grade it was a D and i was freakin cuz im not aloud to have bad grades and stuff or ill get kicked out of dance and be sighned up for a tutor any ways so i was freakin out and stuff and i didnt know how to get it up... well we turned in like 2 assiments that last day and so i kept thinking i probably did so bad on those assiments and its going to drop me down even more and im going to be grounded for life and every thing.... well when i got home thursday i checked my grades and it still said i had a D and i was like crap well there goes my dance life and friends and stuff.... but then i saw she hasnt put in those assiments yet so i kept hoping i did good but then today i just checked them to see if she put them in... well guess what?!?! SHE PUT THEM IN AND I DID SO GOOD ON BOTH ASSIMENTS AND IT BROUGHT ME UP TO A B+ i was so EXCITED!!! cuz i wont be grounded or any thing ah!!!! well ya i have pretty good grades!! and i cant wait to show my mom and dad my grades so i can rub it in there face!! lol im so mean!! but ya well there is my week well kinda lol i have more going on cuz im going with my 2 best friends up to mt. pleasent to my best friends aunts house and staying for 2 nights its going to be a blast but i will write about that when i get back.... lol well g2g im tired.... lol bye

life!

life been pretty crazy this year and last year!! it kinda sucks!!!! i dont want to grow up cuz growin up sucks!! i hate all the drama and people dieing and its like omg!!!! but ya.... well i learned my lesson today that i should listin to my parents more often lol cuz the other day my parents told me to listen to them and they where like you always dont get to do what you want to do and any ways your to young to do all this stuff and i just kept tellin them well all my other friends get to do it so y cant i and then they where like cuz your the oldest and there the youngest in there family so thats y.... and i just got so mad at them so bad!! and then today i kept thinking to myself like geese i should listin to my parents more cuz they onely care about me so thats y they are saying that... i mean they dont want nothing to happin to me... but sometims i think they just dont want to let me grow up yet cuz they still call me a child and every thing and i just kept thinking maby i should just wait on every thing maby i should listin to them maby i should do what they say... maby i should do a whole bunch to impress people becasue im just an idiot!! and im not smart and thats just how i get in trouble alot.... and its not right at all!!! and i feel really bad!!! and i just have like a ton going threw my mind and its killing me inside!! i think i just need some help cuz im just mental!!!!! ha ha.... well ya my life sucks and i dont NOT!!! want to grow up yet!! not one bit!!!!! not at all!!!! ugh!!!! life life life it just sucks so bad!!! i hate beeing a teen it sucks butt!!! you have no idea!!!!!! ha ha

MY GRANDMA PAST AWAY!

well... this is my other grandma now... and we thought she was doing fine and every thing cuz k she is 86 and she still remembers every one and every thing and she has a good brain and nothing was wrong with her tell on new years eve that night she had a heart attack! they took her to the hospital they told her that they where going to put a stem in her heart.. but then they found out they couldnt do that cuz she had alot of tiney blood clots around there and so they put this like vacume in there to maby try and suck them all out but it didnt work so they just told my grandma that they have to give her 3 weeks before they could put the stem in her and maby the blood clauts would go away so they sent her home the next day.... and they all prayed she wouldnt have another heart attack cuz if she did it could kill her... well then when she went home she was there for about a day or so.. and then just last night on jaunary 2 she had another heart attack they rushed her to the hospital cuz it was not good at all.... so she was back in the hospital and my mom was telling me that this might be her last time with her cuz she wasnt doin so well... and so.... my mom went to work and i went over to my friends house to have a sleep over and it was like around 10:30 we started watching a movie called mama mia and i turned to my friend kimmy saying dude i have bad butterflys and she asked me y and i said idk but it just feels like someone left me and she goes who? like your grandma and im like ya kinda but i hope she didnt leave yet cuz i want to see her befores she goes and she goes ya sad! and then she was like you should tell kadee that so i did and stuff and kadee was like dont cry and stuff and i was like ok.. but then that night i didnt want to belive that she was dieing so i just stayed happy and crazy like the old me and i didnt really want to be sad.. so i just pretended that i didnt have that feelin in me cuz thats how i felt when calvin died so i kinda already knew she probably died but i just kept being happying acting like nothing was wrong!! then today as i got home from dance i asked my mom how she was doin? and of course my mom said she died last night around 10:30... and i was just in big shock and i knew she died i knew it! not any thing to be proud of though at all but you know she is 86 so i think it was her time to go! but. .. my mom said she went over to the hospital and she was just dieing her heart was barely beating and my mom said it was so sad and she was bleeding through her legs and out her mouth and stuff and they said that they where going to put a line through her so they could help her but... she denied it and told them no i dont want that i am going through enough pain and i just think its time to let me go home!!! so... they didnt do nothing to her... and she just sat there suffering in pain tell she died..... :( :( :...( i wanted to cry so bad right when my mom told me but i didnt cuz i had friends over and stuff... and i will miss her so much!! but my uncle gave her a blessing and my uncle said that he couldnt feel nothing so i guess it was her time to go and they said that she will at least be 20 or 21 when she got up there... and they said that she will go the the highest kingdom cuz she was a good mother good grandma did every thing right that god asked her to... and got married in the temple!! but what makes me happy is that she can be peaceful again and not suffering in pain and she can be with her mom and dad and her husband!!! thats what makes me happy but i just wish she didnt die so soon cuz i didnt get to really say my goodbye and i wanted to tell her something before she left and now... its too late but its ok i guess cuz she will be watching over me and now she can be with my buddy calvin and keep him comfortable lol and wow! i waundering if there talking right now but its ok if calvin is feelin sad my grandma will help him out cuz thats what she always did for me always!!! and i know she cares alot for me! so i know she will do the same for calvin! cuz its kinda werid but there like brother and sister now. ha ha and when we cry it seems like calvin is sad... so my grandma will help him out every body will.... ha ha well i loved my grandma so so so much!!!! and i will miss her alot!! but someday i will see her again!!! and i am going to miss her so so much!!! i already do!!! great now i get to be more sad again... being sad is no fun i dont like being sad... but i cant help it cuz loosing 2 people who i dearly love is so sad!!! and now im really feeling empti inside!! ugh!!! life is so hard! y does it have to be so hard? well... bye grandma i love you so much!! make sure you watch over me and tell calvin and every one up there i say hi and tell grandpa i love him too and that i miss him! and i will see you guys someday!! i miss you grandma so so so much! just writing this makes me have tears in my eyes and rolling down my face... well i better go before i really really start to bawl... ugh this is so sad grandma i love you so much and i miss you tons! life wont be the same with out you and the christmas partys wont be the same with out you eaither.... love you talk to you someday!!!!! bbbyyyeee!!!! :....(

happy new years!!

holey crap!!! i cant belive its already 2009! where did the days go?! this year went to fast for me way to fast! sometimes i wish the days would go slower! cuz every thing just like went past my eyes with out even blinking and its like crazy!! well i hope maby this year will go slower but i doubt it!!! ha ha cuz it feels like school just started and it feels like i just saw my best friend yesterday that past away and its like wow! what just happin! it feels like im in a dream?!?!?!!? like this whole thing is just a big dream and i know someday i will wake up!!! but!! wow!!

WELL HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!