All the memories and birthday comin up!

wow!! i just cant even belive its almost been a year sence calvin died... if feels like i just saw calvin yesterday with his big smile!! it really does... i just am still in shock he is gone.. there is no way i would have imagined him pasting away.. wouldnt have had a clue... i didnt think i would ever go through this stuff!! but apperntly i did.. and i just cant belive i have made it this far... but after a year.. and thinking about it.. and getting my head straighten out!! i think i finally relized why he died.. cuz god didnt take him from us just to make us misserble... it was cuz he needed him.. and as i think back... when he was alive i wasnt the greatest person.. i made mistakes.. but when he past away its like i became a whole new me!! like he has changed my life.. and has made me even stronger!! like it was the most hardest thing in my intire life seeing him past away.. but it just means if i have came this far then.. it means i can make it through harder stuff to.. i mean yes when he died i was depressed forever!! but one day.. i just felt him next to me!! and as soon as i knew he was by my side i started to get out and start doing stuff again.. and tryed not to be so hard on myself.. i mean i cant even explain how much he has changed me!!! but i really do miss him so very much!! its starten to get hard again.. just cuz the year is gettin closer!! its sad to think back oh i remeber he was at this thing with me.. and we where just having a blast and then to think but now he isnt here anymore to do that.. so then you get all sad again.. i mean all summer i was doin that.. i went to places i went with calvin last summer and it just brought back memories... good memories!!! but was wishing he was here! but this thursday is my birthday and i remember my friend kadee had a suprise birthday party for me and invited calvin to it.. but he couldnt come cuz he had football... so that night after my party calvin finally texted me cuz i havent texted him in like 2 days or so cuz we where just so busy.. and after my party he texted me and said that he was sorry that he didnt come and stuff.. and that he wish he would have.. but i just remember me going to school and i was walking in the hall and i pasted him and he didnt even tell me happy birthday.. lol and so then my friend ariana bumped into him and was like hey did you tell amber happy birthday? and he goes oh crap no i forgot! so he went through all the halls lookin for me just to tell me happy birthday and then he finally found me and came up to me and was like amber!! happy birthday!! and i was like aw thanks! lol and he goes i went through every hall lookin for you just to tell you that! and i was like o man calvin! you make me laugh! thanks! your so sweet! haha but he always made me laugh all the time!!!! i just miss him way to much!! and i love him so much!!!!