nobodys no's how i feel!!

so.... well my life is diffrent and idk any more i have this problem and im scared to tell my family and friends because there probably going to get mad at me and then i probably wont have friends and im afraid when i tell them im going to cry and i just feel bad!! and idk any more!! nobodys no's how i really feel no one can tell how i feel and i could be hiding it and no one would no. no one at all!! and idk how to even say it!!! but idk its just hard really hard for me cuz me im just a big fat loser baby!!! and stuff!! and if i tell my friends and family there probabaly going to be like o my gosh!! just stop talking about it~!! or get over it amber!! or stuff like that and idk im just scared!! and i never going to be ready i dont think!! im really scared!! and its hard to tell other people cuz all you want to do is cry and they have no idea what your feeling or you know? its just ugh. idk any more i give up on life!! :( it sucks!!