Every thing going down hill.........

OMG!! what do i do wrong?!?!?! thats all i want to know!! i try to be as nice as i can to all my friends! and i feel like im doing my best but i guess not!!! because im already loosing one of my best frineds ariana i feel so bad! she is like always putting me down and stuff. and idk any more! and we got in this big fight over my other best friend! she said that we need to go are seprate ways and stuff cuz i guess im just not there for her any more cuz i never really hang out with her. and stuff. so... now we dont really dont talk and she just is... ah!! idk but she just thinks of me as a chourse friend! and i still love her so much!! and i feel bad! becasue last year i got in a big fight with my friend kelsie and they told ariana to not be my friend but no she said no to them and stayed on my side and she has known carissa and kelsie longer then me. and she still turned them down and was always there for me always!!! now i feel like im treating her like trash!! and i feel bad!! becasue she told me that awhile back. that she was always there for me and turned her friends down for me!!! and she always stuck up for me when guys would call me names!! she was just right there for me!!! and i feel bad now because im rarley there for her now and she has done so much for me and this past year i like havent really been there for her. like when r friend died i wasnt really there for her she was there for me!!! and i feel bad!! and idk what to do? because sometimes idk but when your friends are actully gone you relize how much you really need them!!! cuz that's how i feel for ariana you know i thought maby i wouldnt cry if me and ariana wasnt friends any more! but ya right!!! i acutlly really need her!! and i love her so much!! and now it just hurts to know that she doesnt want to be my friend cuz im not a good friend at all!!!! im just a stuiped girl!!! i hate life! i hate this year so bad i hate it!!! its my worse year ever!! actully every year is my worse year!!!! i wish i could be up there with my friend calvin!!! cuz im so sick of getting hurt every year!!! im sick of being sad!! im sick of every thing!!! and i just want to know y i deserve this?!?!?! what do i do wrong?!?!?! cuz every year every thing goes down hill!! i want to move some where far away!!! i hate spanish fork!!! i hate this whole world!!!! my whole school pretty much hates me except for all my best friends and stuff!!!! and all i do is complain!!! and stuff and im just a big fat drama queen!! even ask my best friend she will tell you the truth!!!! i hate life!!! i hate it!!! all i ever do is cry now!! all i ever do is complain!! all i ever want is to go to my real home witch is heaven!! or to move some where far away!!!! i hate life!! idk what to do any more?!?!?! ah!!!!! i want to leave! :( :( :( :......(