life!

life been pretty crazy this year and last year!! it kinda sucks!!!! i dont want to grow up cuz growin up sucks!! i hate all the drama and people dieing and its like omg!!!! but ya.... well i learned my lesson today that i should listin to my parents more often lol cuz the other day my parents told me to listen to them and they where like you always dont get to do what you want to do and any ways your to young to do all this stuff and i just kept tellin them well all my other friends get to do it so y cant i and then they where like cuz your the oldest and there the youngest in there family so thats y.... and i just got so mad at them so bad!! and then today i kept thinking to myself like geese i should listin to my parents more cuz they onely care about me so thats y they are saying that... i mean they dont want nothing to happin to me... but sometims i think they just dont want to let me grow up yet cuz they still call me a child and every thing and i just kept thinking maby i should just wait on every thing maby i should listin to them maby i should do what they say... maby i should do a whole bunch to impress people becasue im just an idiot!! and im not smart and thats just how i get in trouble alot.... and its not right at all!!! and i feel really bad!!! and i just have like a ton going threw my mind and its killing me inside!! i think i just need some help cuz im just mental!!!!! ha ha.... well ya my life sucks and i dont NOT!!! want to grow up yet!! not one bit!!!!! not at all!!!! ugh!!!! life life life it just sucks so bad!!! i hate beeing a teen it sucks butt!!! you have no idea!!!!!! ha ha

MY GRANDMA PAST AWAY!

well... this is my other grandma now... and we thought she was doing fine and every thing cuz k she is 86 and she still remembers every one and every thing and she has a good brain and nothing was wrong with her tell on new years eve that night she had a heart attack! they took her to the hospital they told her that they where going to put a stem in her heart.. but then they found out they couldnt do that cuz she had alot of tiney blood clots around there and so they put this like vacume in there to maby try and suck them all out but it didnt work so they just told my grandma that they have to give her 3 weeks before they could put the stem in her and maby the blood clauts would go away so they sent her home the next day.... and they all prayed she wouldnt have another heart attack cuz if she did it could kill her... well then when she went home she was there for about a day or so.. and then just last night on jaunary 2 she had another heart attack they rushed her to the hospital cuz it was not good at all.... so she was back in the hospital and my mom was telling me that this might be her last time with her cuz she wasnt doin so well... and so.... my mom went to work and i went over to my friends house to have a sleep over and it was like around 10:30 we started watching a movie called mama mia and i turned to my friend kimmy saying dude i have bad butterflys and she asked me y and i said idk but it just feels like someone left me and she goes who? like your grandma and im like ya kinda but i hope she didnt leave yet cuz i want to see her befores she goes and she goes ya sad! and then she was like you should tell kadee that so i did and stuff and kadee was like dont cry and stuff and i was like ok.. but then that night i didnt want to belive that she was dieing so i just stayed happy and crazy like the old me and i didnt really want to be sad.. so i just pretended that i didnt have that feelin in me cuz thats how i felt when calvin died so i kinda already knew she probably died but i just kept being happying acting like nothing was wrong!! then today as i got home from dance i asked my mom how she was doin? and of course my mom said she died last night around 10:30... and i was just in big shock and i knew she died i knew it! not any thing to be proud of though at all but you know she is 86 so i think it was her time to go! but. .. my mom said she went over to the hospital and she was just dieing her heart was barely beating and my mom said it was so sad and she was bleeding through her legs and out her mouth and stuff and they said that they where going to put a line through her so they could help her but... she denied it and told them no i dont want that i am going through enough pain and i just think its time to let me go home!!! so... they didnt do nothing to her... and she just sat there suffering in pain tell she died..... :( :( :...( i wanted to cry so bad right when my mom told me but i didnt cuz i had friends over and stuff... and i will miss her so much!! but my uncle gave her a blessing and my uncle said that he couldnt feel nothing so i guess it was her time to go and they said that she will at least be 20 or 21 when she got up there... and they said that she will go the the highest kingdom cuz she was a good mother good grandma did every thing right that god asked her to... and got married in the temple!! but what makes me happy is that she can be peaceful again and not suffering in pain and she can be with her mom and dad and her husband!!! thats what makes me happy but i just wish she didnt die so soon cuz i didnt get to really say my goodbye and i wanted to tell her something before she left and now... its too late but its ok i guess cuz she will be watching over me and now she can be with my buddy calvin and keep him comfortable lol and wow! i waundering if there talking right now but its ok if calvin is feelin sad my grandma will help him out cuz thats what she always did for me always!!! and i know she cares alot for me! so i know she will do the same for calvin! cuz its kinda werid but there like brother and sister now. ha ha and when we cry it seems like calvin is sad... so my grandma will help him out every body will.... ha ha well i loved my grandma so so so much!!!! and i will miss her alot!! but someday i will see her again!!! and i am going to miss her so so much!!! i already do!!! great now i get to be more sad again... being sad is no fun i dont like being sad... but i cant help it cuz loosing 2 people who i dearly love is so sad!!! and now im really feeling empti inside!! ugh!!! life is so hard! y does it have to be so hard? well... bye grandma i love you so much!! make sure you watch over me and tell calvin and every one up there i say hi and tell grandpa i love him too and that i miss him! and i will see you guys someday!! i miss you grandma so so so much! just writing this makes me have tears in my eyes and rolling down my face... well i better go before i really really start to bawl... ugh this is so sad grandma i love you so much and i miss you tons! life wont be the same with out you and the christmas partys wont be the same with out you eaither.... love you talk to you someday!!!!! bbbyyyeee!!!! :....(

happy new years!!

holey crap!!! i cant belive its already 2009! where did the days go?! this year went to fast for me way to fast! sometimes i wish the days would go slower! cuz every thing just like went past my eyes with out even blinking and its like crazy!! well i hope maby this year will go slower but i doubt it!!! ha ha cuz it feels like school just started and it feels like i just saw my best friend yesterday that past away and its like wow! what just happin! it feels like im in a dream?!?!?!!? like this whole thing is just a big dream and i know someday i will wake up!!! but!! wow!!

WELL HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My crazy! christmas break!!

well... i have pretty much had a crapy christmas break cuz we all got sick this christmas and it pretty much sucks!! well... my brother austin got this crapy cold vurise stuff and then it was like last week on monday i had a couple friends over and we noticed that my brother austin had like a ton of bumps on his back so we showed my dad and he just gave him some medicne. and k he had a fever on sunday and has had it forever and so... he had aonther fever on monday. and then so my mom took him to the doctors on tuesday and all the doctor said was that he just has the vurise and sence my brother has dry skin the vurise just makes his dry skin come out more and so he said that this will onely last for like 2 more days! then my mom just said ok. then 2 days past.... still has high fevers! then my mom got it then alex and my dad then i finally get this crap!!! and then we start to notice on austins face that he is getting bumps and of course my mom just thought it was zits so she didnt do nothing about it.. then on christmas day when austin woke up his bumps on his face where so bad they where infected and every thing it was so gross!! lookin!!! and he just looked horrible! i felt so bad!!! and he just layed around pretty much looked dead to me! and my mom never took him to the doctors cuz idk y cuz idk what she was thinking but then he got way worse saturday and he really looked like he died cuz all he did was slept the whole day and did pretty much nothin but lay around and then it got on his lips and it looks like he had fungi's every where on his lips it was so gross!!!! then alex had it on his chin and my mom was like crap not good.!!! so she knew it was contagash! so ya... but then on friday alex's thumb got infected and omg it was nasty and so my mom called in work and thought she was going to take alex the emerngcy room cuz it looked so bad and she thought he had blood poisning so.. then the next morning witch came to be saturday his thumb was still lookin bad and so was austin's face and omg!! them 2 i swear they get sick all the time and i mean ALL the time!! so then sunday came they still looked bad and austins face got worse and it started to go inside his mouth and k that kid hasnt ate for a whole intire week... so my mom took alex and austin to the doctors on monday to see what the heak was going on with them cuz they where not getting better at all and when she came back she said it was staff and austin has it the worse and could end up killing him so we had to make sure he drank 24oz a day or he will end up in the hospital with iv's in him and a feeding tube down his throat... and i guess the doctor couldn't belive how bad he had it in his mouth it was so bad all over his toung down under his teeth and down his throat wow!!!! it was bad!! but now he is on alot of medicne and it is very contagash so we have like ten licel bottles around spraying every thing they touch and we have golves that we wear and wow we r pretected and can tell that we dont want it!!!! ha ha but now im scared that im going to get it but i hope i dont or i will die cuz i really dont want to be sick forever i already have the cold but i think its going away now.. ha ha and we have to wash r hands 24/7 it sucks!!!! but i hope they get better soon.. but this break sucks! cuz we all got sick!! gosh dang it!!!!! well that is my crazy christmas break!!! it was kinda nice though to have austin layin down and sleepin cuz the house was actully quiet and not loud all the time. lol but o well its pretty fun to have him as his old self again.. cuz i think he is feelin better now cuz he is up running around again and screaming and all the fun stuff little 4 year olds do... ha ha well thats pretty much my crazy christmas break!! yay!!!! (not)

found out my grandma is dieing! :( :(

well.... i just barley found out that this is my last year and time with my great grandma! i cryed for hours when i found out still am!!! im going to miss her so much! i know its her time to go but just not yet! just let her stay just a couple more years please that's all i ask!! she was my favorite great grandma in the whole universe! and she is dieing in the worse way ever they said!! she wont eat she hasnt ate for almost a week! and she starving herself is the worst way to die! and i feel so bad!!! im really going to miss her so much!! i remember all the talks we had and what she told me to do when i get older and to stay away from guys! lol she is a funny grandma!!! but im really going to miss her!! its kinda funny how one time sence she is so old she thought i was a sales person and so i wouldnt go away so she was bragging me with money telling me to go away she was like i dont want any thing here i will just give you 50 bucks if you get out of here!! and i was like grandma its me your grandaughter and she was like what? and she looks at me more and she would be like o is that amber jennifers daughter i was like yup it is!! then she would give me a big hug and say hi im so glad you came and saw me!! i havent seen you in awhile! and i would be like i know!!!! and she would have this big smile on her face all cuz i went and saw her!! she loved me so much!!! and i even told her about calvin and she was right there for me! and then she thinks its funny to make funny jokes when there not funny to me but my great grandma is a little stinker lol cuz she was like o im sorry! its ok i will enter tane him when i get up there witch will be right now and i was like your not going to die right now and she would be like i know its a joke dont you get it amber and i was like o ya? um... i sure do get it grandma!! ha ha o geese but she kept making jokes like that and she would burst out laughing! and i was like ok my grandma gone on crack. lol but she is so funny!! but now she gets to be with calvin and now she gets to enter tane him yay!!! ha ha not jk but she better not tell him any thing embarssing about me! cuz ah! scarey! lol o well they can get there own little laugh and giggles out of my embrassing stuff i did. ha ha well i hope she has fun up there and i told her to tell calvin i say hi and every body else!! wow i cant belive she is already leaving me!!! ugh!!! and calvin to!! geese what is going on in this world? its like soon every body is going to be leaving me!! ugh.!! well i will miss her so much and i hope she has fun!!! and gets all her laughs and giggles out with calvin!! ha ha well i love you grandam forever and ever!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

happy birthday calvin! yesterday was my best friends birthday! i miss him so much! when i woke up it was so weird because i rememered it was calvin's birthday but it felt like he was still here and i just knew i was going to tell him happy birthday over text and then like try to go over to his house to have a party and it just totally felt like that the whole day. it was so weird. but then i was so mad at myself cuz i wanted to go see calvin so bad and i even told my mom and dad that i said k im not planning any thing tell i go see calvin and my mom was like ok? and i was like k then it snowed pretty much the whole time and i was mad cuz my mom didnt want to take me or any one and my mom had so much to do!! and ah!!! i wanted to go see him so bad!! so i was mad at myself but i hope he isnt mad at me cuz i didnt see him... but i just hope he understands cuz the weather was so bad!! but any ways i miss him so much. i remember in the summer he asked when my birthday was and i was like oct. 8 and he goes so wait am i older then you and i was like idk when is your birthday and he goes dec. 22 and i was like k do you really think your older then me? and he goes yup i do! and i was like ha ha sorry buddy but your wrongo im older and he goes gosh dang it all the girls are older then me i hate it!! and i just laughed and he goes ya well... when i turn 14 im just going to say that im older then you so i can finally be older then one girl.. and i was like o my gosh! calvin you make me laugh! and he goes o lol okey then.. and i was like yup! and then he goes is that ok with you? and i was like yup thats ok with me and he goes ok. sweet! yes when im 14 i get to be older then you ha ha and idk he just made me laugh!! ha ha but now calvin guess what?! your older then me now!! you should be excited! i hope you are!! well me and kadee and kimmi and cheyenne did a little party for you! so i hope you had fun at are party and that you had fun in heaven!!!! i miss you tons!! and also again! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTIE! and i hope you also have a fun christmas!! you should cuz your up there and its jesus birthday! wow i waunder what you guys do up there for christmas sence your really with jesus now! wow i bet it will be a blast! dang i want to know what you do! that would be so much fun! you will have to come down and tell me every thing! cuz i think it will be fun!! so much fun! well have a merry one and happy happy birthday!! the one who is OLDER then me now!! lol o geese calvin you crack me up!! well i love you so much!! come down and see me sometime cuz im missin ya! alot! well love ya so much!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

CHRISTMAS IS ON ITS WAY

AH!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!

WELL... if you cant tell... CHRISTMAS is my favorite holiday ever!! i love christmas so much!! and you know christmas just isnt all about gifts and decarations and all the fun stuff... its mostly about the cross and when christ was born and ya.... i love celebrating it!! ya know all these years i think i finally relize y we celebrate it cuz i never really under stood it... well last year i did 2 but i think i under stand it more this year... and i think its cuz i go to church alot more and idk what it is but i told my family that we need to have a lesson on this on christmas day and stuff becasue we never hardly talk about it on christmas day or eve so i think we need to change it a little bit this year and do something cuz i love the lord so much!! and i feel gulity that i just want to open presents then i forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but... we can still have are fun... cuz its not bad to have r fun or any thing like that but sometims we get a little to carried away and forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but i love it!! christmas music is also my fav to! i love christmas music so much! i listin to it about every day i never can get sick of it!! i love spending time with my family i love all my family its the best time to get together with your family and just visit and talk about what's happing in your life and stuff... cuz when your family lives far away and you hardly get to see them thats the best time to get catch up on things you miss out on... so thats y i love christmas so much.. cuz of the happiness and music and are savoior the lord and jesusse.... best time ever!!!! but im so exceited!!! you have no idea!! i have been going crazy sense after hollaween! ha ha and now we onley have like 3 days tell christmas eve and 4 days tell christmas day!! ah! exciteing!!!! merry christmas to every one!!! :)