calvin!

calvin!
missin you so much!!!! you'll never be forgotten by me!!! i love you always and forever!!!! :(

Tuesday 30 December 2008

My crazy! christmas break!!

well... i have pretty much had a crapy christmas break cuz we all got sick this christmas and it pretty much sucks!! well... my brother austin got this crapy cold vurise stuff and then it was like last week on monday i had a couple friends over and we noticed that my brother austin had like a ton of bumps on his back so we showed my dad and he just gave him some medicne. and k he had a fever on sunday and has had it forever and so... he had aonther fever on monday. and then so my mom took him to the doctors on tuesday and all the doctor said was that he just has the vurise and sence my brother has dry skin the vurise just makes his dry skin come out more and so he said that this will onely last for like 2 more days! then my mom just said ok. then 2 days past.... still has high fevers! then my mom got it then alex and my dad then i finally get this crap!!! and then we start to notice on austins face that he is getting bumps and of course my mom just thought it was zits so she didnt do nothing about it.. then on christmas day when austin woke up his bumps on his face where so bad they where infected and every thing it was so gross!! lookin!!! and he just looked horrible! i felt so bad!!! and he just layed around pretty much looked dead to me! and my mom never took him to the doctors cuz idk y cuz idk what she was thinking but then he got way worse saturday and he really looked like he died cuz all he did was slept the whole day and did pretty much nothin but lay around and then it got on his lips and it looks like he had fungi's every where on his lips it was so gross!!!! then alex had it on his chin and my mom was like crap not good.!!! so she knew it was contagash! so ya... but then on friday alex's thumb got infected and omg it was nasty and so my mom called in work and thought she was going to take alex the emerngcy room cuz it looked so bad and she thought he had blood poisning so.. then the next morning witch came to be saturday his thumb was still lookin bad and so was austin's face and omg!! them 2 i swear they get sick all the time and i mean ALL the time!! so then sunday came they still looked bad and austins face got worse and it started to go inside his mouth and k that kid hasnt ate for a whole intire week... so my mom took alex and austin to the doctors on monday to see what the heak was going on with them cuz they where not getting better at all and when she came back she said it was staff and austin has it the worse and could end up killing him so we had to make sure he drank 24oz a day or he will end up in the hospital with iv's in him and a feeding tube down his throat... and i guess the doctor couldn't belive how bad he had it in his mouth it was so bad all over his toung down under his teeth and down his throat wow!!!! it was bad!! but now he is on alot of medicne and it is very contagash so we have like ten licel bottles around spraying every thing they touch and we have golves that we wear and wow we r pretected and can tell that we dont want it!!!! ha ha but now im scared that im going to get it but i hope i dont or i will die cuz i really dont want to be sick forever i already have the cold but i think its going away now.. ha ha and we have to wash r hands 24/7 it sucks!!!! but i hope they get better soon.. but this break sucks! cuz we all got sick!! gosh dang it!!!!! well that is my crazy christmas break!!! it was kinda nice though to have austin layin down and sleepin cuz the house was actully quiet and not loud all the time. lol but o well its pretty fun to have him as his old self again.. cuz i think he is feelin better now cuz he is up running around again and screaming and all the fun stuff little 4 year olds do... ha ha well thats pretty much my crazy christmas break!! yay!!!! (not)

Wednesday 24 December 2008

found out my grandma is dieing! :( :(

well.... i just barley found out that this is my last year and time with my great grandma! i cryed for hours when i found out still am!!! im going to miss her so much! i know its her time to go but just not yet! just let her stay just a couple more years please that's all i ask!! she was my favorite great grandma in the whole universe! and she is dieing in the worse way ever they said!! she wont eat she hasnt ate for almost a week! and she starving herself is the worst way to die! and i feel so bad!!! im really going to miss her so much!! i remember all the talks we had and what she told me to do when i get older and to stay away from guys! lol she is a funny grandma!!! but im really going to miss her!! its kinda funny how one time sence she is so old she thought i was a sales person and so i wouldnt go away so she was bragging me with money telling me to go away she was like i dont want any thing here i will just give you 50 bucks if you get out of here!! and i was like grandma its me your grandaughter and she was like what? and she looks at me more and she would be like o is that amber jennifers daughter i was like yup it is!! then she would give me a big hug and say hi im so glad you came and saw me!! i havent seen you in awhile! and i would be like i know!!!! and she would have this big smile on her face all cuz i went and saw her!! she loved me so much!!! and i even told her about calvin and she was right there for me! and then she thinks its funny to make funny jokes when there not funny to me but my great grandma is a little stinker lol cuz she was like o im sorry! its ok i will enter tane him when i get up there witch will be right now and i was like your not going to die right now and she would be like i know its a joke dont you get it amber and i was like o ya? um... i sure do get it grandma!! ha ha o geese but she kept making jokes like that and she would burst out laughing! and i was like ok my grandma gone on crack. lol but she is so funny!! but now she gets to be with calvin and now she gets to enter tane him yay!!! ha ha not jk but she better not tell him any thing embarssing about me! cuz ah! scarey! lol o well they can get there own little laugh and giggles out of my embrassing stuff i did. ha ha well i hope she has fun up there and i told her to tell calvin i say hi and every body else!! wow i cant belive she is already leaving me!!! ugh!!! and calvin to!! geese what is going on in this world? its like soon every body is going to be leaving me!! ugh.!! well i will miss her so much and i hope she has fun!!! and gets all her laughs and giggles out with calvin!! ha ha well i love you grandam forever and ever!!!!

Tuesday 23 December 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!



happy birthday calvin! yesterday was my best friends birthday! i miss him so much! when i woke up it was so weird because i rememered it was calvin's birthday but it felt like he was still here and i just knew i was going to tell him happy birthday over text and then like try to go over to his house to have a party and it just totally felt like that the whole day. it was so weird. but then i was so mad at myself cuz i wanted to go see calvin so bad and i even told my mom and dad that i said k im not planning any thing tell i go see calvin and my mom was like ok? and i was like k then it snowed pretty much the whole time and i was mad cuz my mom didnt want to take me or any one and my mom had so much to do!! and ah!!! i wanted to go see him so bad!! so i was mad at myself but i hope he isnt mad at me cuz i didnt see him... but i just hope he understands cuz the weather was so bad!! but any ways i miss him so much. i remember in the summer he asked when my birthday was and i was like oct. 8 and he goes so wait am i older then you and i was like idk when is your birthday and he goes dec. 22 and i was like k do you really think your older then me? and he goes yup i do! and i was like ha ha sorry buddy but your wrongo im older and he goes gosh dang it all the girls are older then me i hate it!! and i just laughed and he goes ya well... when i turn 14 im just going to say that im older then you so i can finally be older then one girl.. and i was like o my gosh! calvin you make me laugh! and he goes o lol okey then.. and i was like yup! and then he goes is that ok with you? and i was like yup thats ok with me and he goes ok. sweet! yes when im 14 i get to be older then you ha ha and idk he just made me laugh!! ha ha but now calvin guess what?! your older then me now!! you should be excited! i hope you are!! well me and kadee and kimmi and cheyenne did a little party for you! so i hope you had fun at are party and that you had fun in heaven!!!! i miss you tons!! and also again! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTIE! and i hope you also have a fun christmas!! you should cuz your up there and its jesus birthday! wow i waunder what you guys do up there for christmas sence your really with jesus now! wow i bet it will be a blast! dang i want to know what you do! that would be so much fun! you will have to come down and tell me every thing! cuz i think it will be fun!! so much fun! well have a merry one and happy happy birthday!! the one who is OLDER then me now!! lol o geese calvin you crack me up!! well i love you so much!! come down and see me sometime cuz im missin ya! alot! well love ya so much!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Sunday 21 December 2008

CHRISTMAS IS ON ITS WAY

AH!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!

WELL... if you cant tell... CHRISTMAS is my favorite holiday ever!! i love christmas so much!! and you know christmas just isnt all about gifts and decarations and all the fun stuff... its mostly about the cross and when christ was born and ya.... i love celebrating it!! ya know all these years i think i finally relize y we celebrate it cuz i never really under stood it... well last year i did 2 but i think i under stand it more this year... and i think its cuz i go to church alot more and idk what it is but i told my family that we need to have a lesson on this on christmas day and stuff becasue we never hardly talk about it on christmas day or eve so i think we need to change it a little bit this year and do something cuz i love the lord so much!! and i feel gulity that i just want to open presents then i forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but... we can still have are fun... cuz its not bad to have r fun or any thing like that but sometims we get a little to carried away and forget all about y we celebrate it!!! but i love it!! christmas music is also my fav to! i love christmas music so much! i listin to it about every day i never can get sick of it!! i love spending time with my family i love all my family its the best time to get together with your family and just visit and talk about what's happing in your life and stuff... cuz when your family lives far away and you hardly get to see them thats the best time to get catch up on things you miss out on... so thats y i love christmas so much.. cuz of the happiness and music and are savoior the lord and jesusse.... best time ever!!!! but im so exceited!!! you have no idea!! i have been going crazy sense after hollaween! ha ha and now we onley have like 3 days tell christmas eve and 4 days tell christmas day!! ah! exciteing!!!! merry christmas to every one!!! :)

Monday 15 December 2008

Every thing going down hill.........

OMG!! what do i do wrong?!?!?! thats all i want to know!! i try to be as nice as i can to all my friends! and i feel like im doing my best but i guess not!!! because im already loosing one of my best frineds ariana i feel so bad! she is like always putting me down and stuff. and idk any more! and we got in this big fight over my other best friend! she said that we need to go are seprate ways and stuff cuz i guess im just not there for her any more cuz i never really hang out with her. and stuff. so... now we dont really dont talk and she just is... ah!! idk but she just thinks of me as a chourse friend! and i still love her so much!! and i feel bad! becasue last year i got in a big fight with my friend kelsie and they told ariana to not be my friend but no she said no to them and stayed on my side and she has known carissa and kelsie longer then me. and she still turned them down and was always there for me always!!! now i feel like im treating her like trash!! and i feel bad!! becasue she told me that awhile back. that she was always there for me and turned her friends down for me!!! and she always stuck up for me when guys would call me names!! she was just right there for me!!! and i feel bad now because im rarley there for her now and she has done so much for me and this past year i like havent really been there for her. like when r friend died i wasnt really there for her she was there for me!!! and i feel bad!! and idk what to do? because sometimes idk but when your friends are actully gone you relize how much you really need them!!! cuz that's how i feel for ariana you know i thought maby i wouldnt cry if me and ariana wasnt friends any more! but ya right!!! i acutlly really need her!! and i love her so much!! and now it just hurts to know that she doesnt want to be my friend cuz im not a good friend at all!!!! im just a stuiped girl!!! i hate life! i hate this year so bad i hate it!!! its my worse year ever!! actully every year is my worse year!!!! i wish i could be up there with my friend calvin!!! cuz im so sick of getting hurt every year!!! im sick of being sad!! im sick of every thing!!! and i just want to know y i deserve this?!?!?! what do i do wrong?!?!?! cuz every year every thing goes down hill!! i want to move some where far away!!! i hate spanish fork!!! i hate this whole world!!!! my whole school pretty much hates me except for all my best friends and stuff!!!! and all i do is complain!!! and stuff and im just a big fat drama queen!! even ask my best friend she will tell you the truth!!!! i hate life!!! i hate it!!! all i ever do is cry now!! all i ever do is complain!! all i ever want is to go to my real home witch is heaven!! or to move some where far away!!!! i hate life!! idk what to do any more?!?!?! ah!!!!! i want to leave! :( :( :( :......(

Saturday 13 December 2008

MY NEW BED!!

WELL..... i finally got a new bed cuz i was stuck with this small bed and it was onely a one mattress and it broke my back like all the time so now i finally got a queen and o my gosh im in heavin it has an extra fluff to it or whatever and o my gosh you just melt into that bed and you could fall asleep so fast in it!!! ah!! im in love with my bed i named it fluffy!!! lol jk i didnt name it but i really like it and it makes my room look more like a room cuz my bed is up high now and my other bed was down low to the ground. lol so ya. but i love it!!!!!! and i got new sheets to match it to and ya!! and o my gosh!! im so excited for christmas you have no idea!!!! lol ah!!!!!!!!!

Monday 8 December 2008

SNOW!!!!!

AH!! well snow is coming and it snowed today. lol well i cant wait cuz i love going sledding its so much fun!!! i used to go alot with my used to be best friend ha ha we would always make it fun!! now its my turn to take out my three best friends and make it fun for all four of us!!! it will be a blast!! i hate snow cuz its cold but that's like the onely reason y i hate it. but then i love snow because idk y but it make's me feel happy inside and joyful and fun and stuff. and then you get to go sledding and build snowmans with your brothers or sisters and family and friends and its just so much fun!!!! i love christmas its my favorite holiday!! ever!!! it always makes me happy and i just love being with my family that i dont really get to see that much!!! and we always make christmas joyful and fun for are lives!! i love it!!! it always brings back good memories of are friends an family and its just so much fun to talk about old funny memories we have!! i have alot of fun and great memories with all my friends and famliy!! well christmas is coming up and im already in the spirit of it!! well actully i was already in the spirit of it in november ha ha pretty funny!! my friends thought i was crazy!! but im just so excited!! and my friend who past away will be down here for christmas i just know it!!! cuz thats the whole holday spirit and he is going to be with his family for christmas!! ah!! exciting!! i cant wait!!!!

Sunday 7 December 2008

found out how to edit pictures!!!




this is ariana!! we have are ups and downs alot!!! and it sucks!! cuz ya know you never know how much you really need them until you loose them and it sucks!! i mean its pretty boreing when my house phone is ringing and then i found out its not for me its eaither for my mom or dad or its a stupied sale person!! and then it sucks cuz all i do is text and ariana doesnt have a phone so she always calls me and i get sick of texting alot and so i love talking on phone and speacily when you need to tell them something and its really long ha ha. sometimes i wish i never had a cell phone becasue then i would probably get alot of calls from my friends like alot. lol well maby not alot but ya. but i love her so much. she finally understands cuz where friends again she kept telling me she hated me like after a month my friend died. and that made it harder for me!! but she finlly said sorry but im sorry ariana for all the things i do and stuff and im sorry i never is really there for u!! im sorry!! but i love you so much and dont ever forget that!! cuz i can never stop loveing you it will be to hard!!!!!!! to stop loving you!!! sometimes you are right ariana i did change this year alot and i know you wish i was the same old amber as last year but im sorry things change but sometimes i wish i was the old amber last year to!!! but im truley sorry ariana and i love you so much!!! im glad you still calll me and im glad where still friends!!! you make me happy!! thanks!

















hey look its my 2 best friends!! kadee and kimmy!! ah! you guys are so pretty!! i love you guys so much! i wouldnt know what to do if i didnt have u guys in my life! i would be so lost way lost!! even if i died i would be lost in heaven with out u guys well kinda cuz i would always be right there for u guys!! lol but ah!! this is one of my pic i edited and i love it!! its so freakin cute! christmas is coming up!! exciting but i have like 8 pic that i edited lol but im onely going to put like a couple of them on here!! well guys i love you guys so much!!! you guys are geourges and im so jeaulse of u guys!! ah!!! love you!!!












this is calvin!! and i edited this pic to!! lol well i had a little help from my best friend kimmy!! ha ha wow i miss him so much!! its kinda crazy how time moves so fast!!! cuz its almost been 2 months sence he past away. it just feels like he has been on vaction for ever and i just know he is going to come back and then im going to be so excited and every thing!!! ah!!! but then again it just feels like we got in a huge fight and so he hates my guts!! but other times it really does feel like he past away cuz he did!! but idk my mind likes to switch things around it likes to trick me!! i wish he was just on vaction forever and i was going to see him sometime soon but i have to wait but i know i will see him again and i just cant wait!!! its going to be a blast!!! calivn i love you so much!!!






this is kayla!! ha ha i love her!! she is so funny!! ha ha this is another one i edited!! she is so fun to be around!! we have are good times! lol kayla remember muffin's ha ha and funny!! math class is so fun with her in it!! it would be boreing if she wasnt in it!! wow!!! lol well i love you kayla!!

Tuesday 2 December 2008

nobodys no's how i feel!!

so.... well my life is diffrent and idk any more i have this problem and im scared to tell my family and friends because there probably going to get mad at me and then i probably wont have friends and im afraid when i tell them im going to cry and i just feel bad!! and idk any more!! nobodys no's how i really feel no one can tell how i feel and i could be hiding it and no one would no. no one at all!! and idk how to even say it!!! but idk its just hard really hard for me cuz me im just a big fat loser baby!!! and stuff!! and if i tell my friends and family there probabaly going to be like o my gosh!! just stop talking about it~!! or get over it amber!! or stuff like that and idk im just scared!! and i never going to be ready i dont think!! im really scared!! and its hard to tell other people cuz all you want to do is cry and they have no idea what your feeling or you know? its just ugh. idk any more i give up on life!! :( it sucks!!